Menopausal Mood Swings - What to do!?
“You are not being selfish, you are making sure you are self-full…”
1) Radical Self Love
When your nearest and dearest are used to being unconditionally served by you it can be hard for them to adjust to the fact that you need to look after yourself more. But trust me – a step in time saves a marriage/job/friendship here. Listen to those moments of intuition that let you know you want to go for a beautiful sunset walk – alone. Or call up that beloved old friend who you are only connected with on Facebook these days and take yourself away for the weekend just to have a hug and a laugh. And don’t feel you have to justify yourself – even to yourself. Please yourself just because you can.
Because you are not being selfish, are making sure you are self-full. And from that place its easier to share your gifts, love and patience with everyone around you. Because you are full and you share the energy, its spilling over you rather than being depleted by the share.
How many times a day do you do what you want, particularly if it means prioritizing your needs instead of someone elses? If it’s already easy can you encourage the other women in your life to do the same?
2) To Trash and/or to burn?!
Sometimes we need to make change in our lives. And it makes us furious and frustrated if we don’t do it. Maybe you really do need to leave your husband or your job. Maybe its time for your 20 something kids to leave home.
Equally, for some people, it can be a powerful practice to change nothing externally and put your energy and attention into the transformation occurring on the inside. Externalising your momentum for change can be a distraction from the metamorphosis that is occurring internally, whether you like it or not.
And sometimes you can create the life you want without leaving the old one behind. One of my clients desperately wanted space from her family, almost to the point of leaving the family home. Instead, she put a caravan in her back garden, lived and worked there and came in for dinner that someone else cooked. Sound good?!
“If it's hard just try it as an experiment…”
3) Ask for What you Want!
This is the follow up to step one. Pleasing yourself sometimes involves asking other people to help you get what you want.
By the time most of us hit menopause many of us have been so focused on other people’s needs we don’t even know what we need to feel good. Knowing what we want and asking for it can be challenging but it's rarely unreasonable. You may just need to say to your children that you need a few hours to yourself at the end of the day. You may need to negotiate a part time role at work. You may need to have a break from that friend who doesn’t stop talking about themselves and their dramas.
Whatever it is – just ask for what you need. If it's hard just try it as an experiment. But when you do make your ask make sure you energetically commit to it - otherwise the person you are asking will sense your hesitancy and it will weaken your position. Own what you want. And can you do it without giving them the “It’s fine if it’s not possible” get out clause. Why do we do that?!
“We know innately that it feels good to be in nature…”
4) Bathe in Nature
Spend some time in nature. Doesn’t it feel great to see a wide horizon, or a majestic old tree, or lush rolling hills – rather than just buildings, roads and cars?
We know innately that it feels good to be in nature, whether we are having a picnic next to a river or going on a two-day hike. And science now shows us that there is a long list of health benefits, from reducing stress to increasing your body’s natural killer cells which are essential to fighting anything from the flu to cancer.
A study published in 2011 found that a 15-minute walk in a forested area was even associated with a significant decrease in blood pressure compared to a walk in an urban area.
“Have you ever met anyone that said ‘God I wish I hadn’t had that massage’…?!”
5) The Language of Touch
A woman’s libido can drop significantly during menopause and any touch that feels demanding, sexually or otherwise, can be unwelcome... But human beings need touch. It releases all sorts of happy hormones and can really help to shift stuck emotions as well as physical pain. Sometimes just paying someone to help you to reconnect with yourself and feel what is going on inside can make a difference to low mood, anxiety and anger.
Somewhat counterintuitively, many of us may be resistant to what touch can bring up because somehow it feels safer to keep busy and stay in your head rather than face the tsunami of emotions we may have during menopause.
But have you ever met anyone that says “God I wish I hadn’t had that massage?!” Even just brushing down your own body, squeezing any tense bits, or treating yourself to a self foot massage with magnesium butter can really help you get out of your head. And you may start to become aware, on a deeper level, of what you need to make your menopause journey more easeful.